 First Person Stories - November 2009
Lahn's musings on life's wonder and mystery...and, of course, stuff about sinus and allergy concerns.
November 30, 2009
Black Friday was here and I got caught up in the hype. Then regret set in when my family and I arrived at the humongous shopping mall in our neighborhood and saw the long line of cars trying desperately to find vacant parking spots and imagined nightmarish long lines at the checkout stands. An alternative was needed. So we headed few blocks north and took the road less traveled.
It's the road filled with used book stores, antique and consignment shops. There is also an excellent little bakery tucked away between a mom-and-pop furniture store and a theater. My then 11 year-old son and I had come to this theater during summers past to enjoy multiethnic musical performances.
Sadly, many spaces were empty. My favorite antique shop was out of business...gone! It was across the street from the Youth Art Center, which thankfully remained in operation. I have nothing against mega shopping malls and people who are drawn to them. It's just that such establishments seem to put these charming, unique, and more personal shops, I prefer, out of business.
Despite feeling sad and nostalgic about what I experienced then, we were determined to have a good time. My husband revisited his favorite Harley-Davidson motorcycle shop and fantasized about the day he will be on one of them riding across Europe or USA. I insisted on stopping by a place that specializes in Arts and Crafts furnishings. Some day soon, that beautiful, elegant writing desk will be mine, I tell myself. Our son had to check out rare collection of military badges and weapons...obviously he's into war movies now.
And of course, to put a nice end to our shopping excursion, we had our favorite sweet treats at that french bakery. Then as we drove home passing by the long line of cars entering and exiting from the mall parking lot with a cacophony of horns and screams, we looked at each other and gave a knowing smile that indeed, we did take the right path for a satisfying shopping experience.
November 23, 2009
Did I mention that living in Los Angeles appears to be very bad for my nasal allergy? I know I wrote about how my sinus and allergy symptoms quickly disappeared while staying at the Maum meditation center in S. Korea. I hardly needed to take supplements or perform nasal rinsing to my delight. Ahh, those were the good ol' days! Well, sadly no more. Almost immediately after I landed in L.A., I experienced congested and runny nose and painful sinus pressure. I thought jet lag was the main culprit then. But these persistent, annoying symptoms - even after one month - seem to confirm that it's the area I live in that has a major influence on my condition. Some of you might say, "Duh!" since L.A. is known for one of the worst air pollutions. Still, I know many who aren't so affected...so it really depends.
Anyway, between nasal rinsing, blowing my nose, and applying acupressure to relieve pain, my mind wandered to seek out a new place - one with air that is actually safe to inhale. That and a high possibility that I can drive to a destination 5 miles away within reasonable time like 10 minutes rather than 1 hour! So let me share with you what I found out about desirable locations to live in if you suffer from allergy and asthma. According to the Allergy and Asthma Foundation of America (AAFA) 2009 survey, the following are top 10 US cities best for allergy-prone folks like us:
- New Haven, Connecticut- Total Allergy Score: 41.36
- San Diego, California- Total Score: 49.20
- Daytona Beach, Florida- Total Score: 50.62
- Miami, Florida- Total Score: 51.04
- Boise, Idaho- Total Score: 54.97
- Oxnard, California- Total Score: 55.17
- Palm Bay, Florida- Total Score: 56.55
- Colorado Springs, Colorado- Total Score: 56.69
- Denver, Colorado- Total Score: 57.78
- Riverside, California- Total Score: 57.77
Hmm, isn't it interesting that San Diego, considered one of the worst cities last year, ended up here...wonder what changed. I am pleasantly surprised that three cities in California are on the list. But I feel perhaps a major geographical change is just what I need. I am leaning toward Colorado, New Mexico, or Utah...any suggestions?
November 16, 2009
We all experience moments of fear in varying degrees. But fear had a particularly strong hold on my psyche for a long time. Certainly, my family of origin, culture, and environment had major influences but also I believe my innate personality or temperament was a contributing factor. Being highly sensitive, I tended to worry a lot, which led to anxiety and fear about many challenges life brings. I often dwelled on negative thoughts and emotions that caused me to be more anxious, fearful, and depressed...like a feedback loop, a vicious cycle. Perhaps some of you could relate to this predicament.
At first, I tried to repress these unpleasant states. Later, I started to apply "positive thinking" method - replacing negative thoughts with more positive ones. Undoubtedly the later method was more helpful than the earlier response of repression but I gradually began to view fear and other accompanying emotions in a different light - one that is wiser and more beneficial to my mind and body.
The realizations that guided me to my current view of fear are:
1. Fear is part of me and is valid just as, let's say, joy is.
2. On the principle, "What we resist persists," when repressed or denied, fear doesn't disappear but actually becomes stronger and more intense in my mind.
3. Once I face fear, paradoxically, the powerful hold it has over me loosens and eventually dissipates. Applying the principles of mindfulness meditation, I observe and allow the thoughts and feelings associated with fear with acceptance and detachment.
According to Pema Chodron, a profoundly inspiring meditation teacher, we can stand our ground and be with our fear. That is the basis of fearlessness. She counsels, "We don't have to put on courage like a tough protective armor. Instead of banishing fear, or making ourselves wrong for feeling fearful - allowing ourselves to go into fear and deeply feel it is the way to become spiritual warriors. When you learn to smile at your fear, to be with your fear, you become an authentic friend to yourself, and thereby develop confidence."
November 09, 2009
As I am reflecting continually on my experience with Maum Meditation and the practice of meditation in general, I came across an article by Shinzen Young - a respected Buddhist meditation teacher - that I found very informative and insightful. Reading it gave me a better understanding of meditation process and shed further light on things I encountered in my own experience. The section on "Misconceptions" especially resonated with me for these facets were what I struggled to comprehend and come to terms with. To name of few, Shinzen speaks of pitfalls of glorifying the guru/master, misuse of advanced meditative states, and how each meditative system has its characteristic weaknesses.
And yet, to my encouragement, he goes on to say, "That these aberrations and misdirections exist should not in the least surprise, dismay or discourage us. Every tool can be misapplied. The fact is that each of the above approaches to meditation, if skillfully and persistently cultivated, produces a well-balanced, fulfilled individual whose very presence benefits his or her fellows. As such, they represent significant and powerful contributions to human culture." Very wise words, indeed.
To read the full article by Shinzen Young, click here.
November 02, 2009
The question I pose to myself and perhaps to other readers of this post is, "Could any method that claims to reveal the Truth or lead one to enlightenment be dogmatic and fanatical?" This inquiry kept popping up in my mind as I studied Maum meditation and later when I had more time to reflect on my experiences at the main center in S. Korea.
Based on what I have learned about the basic tenets of Maum meditation, there are valid and valuable insights about the human ego and the workings of the mind. The methods for destroying the false mind and body seem to be powerfully effective. Therefore, I have certain amount of faith in the Maum meditation's approach to attaining enlightenment.
However, I cannot deny there were certain practices at the center that made me pause. As I mentioned above, the two major concerns were clear expressions of fanaticism and dogmatism by many practitioners. Some cultural patterns may be at play but am not sure. Many adherents there and here in America seem to strongly believe the Maum meditation is the answer to pretty much all human problems. Personally I am wary of any belief system that seems to suggest absolutism and exclusivity.
Questions and doubts were discouraged while full acceptance and belief in the teaching were emphasized. This really bothered me even though they explained the reason, which is that since the questioning is arising in the false mind, it's basically pointless and harmful to the awakening process and that as I advance, answers will come naturally. Still, I had to question whether the answers were revealed through inner awakening or because the instructors suggested them during lectures and meditation sessions. Perhaps my "too rational" way of thinking got in the way...who knows!
Ultimately I feel that I can take with me what was good and beneficial while discard what wasn't. I witnessed many positive, admirable qualities of the teaching and practitioners in other ways. I heard many credible, perfectly reasonable accounts from people who shared how their lives changed for the better through Maum meditation. Anyway, I believe a broader perspective is in order. Definitely I learned a new, powerful method of meditation, gained a deeper understanding of the human mind, and realized what approach doesn't work too well for me in my pursuit of personal growth.
So what important lesson have I learned from this experience? I will let the Buddha sum it up for me:
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.
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